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Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Good, The Bad and the Writing Returns

The Good, The Bad and The Writing

The Good

It's been a rough week and mentally, I have been in a very low place for much of the week.  Coming up with something positive today has been a struggle, so I decided to step out of myself and look at my life from the perspective of an outsider.  And I came up with a list of a few things that I should be thankful for.  And hopefully writing them down here will help me to remain positive about my life and situation.

1) I live in a place where the air conditioning was a necessity today.  You will see me bitch about this in "The Bad" later, but for the purposes of "The Good" here you go.  The temperature in my part of San Antonio hit 78 today.  I am currently laying in bed typing this in shorts and a t-shirt with the ceiling fan on overhead.  I actually had to wipe sweat away from my brow earlier too.  So I guess to 90% of you, "Eat your hearts out!"
2) I have a wonderful wife that loves me very much.  She puts up with all my faults - and believe me they are quite numerous.  She is great in bed (sorry kids if you are reading this).  She sincerely cares about my health (mental and physical).
3) I have 3 wonderful kids.  They aren't all easy to try to raise, but I love them all and wouldn't trade any of them for the world.  And I would die for all of them.
4) I have a great job.  In fact it is a career since I am coming up on 17 years in the same profession.  The longest I have ever been unemployed from Accounting is 8 months.
5) That 8 month unemployment leads me to the fact that I have other skills that I can fall back on other than Accounting.  I am a pretty damn good bartender if I do say so myself.  So, though I may have struggled to find accounting work when I moved to San Antonio, I was still able to "fall back" on this skill and actually make a decent name for myself as a bartender.
6) I "get" to work at home.  For most of you, this sounds like a wonderful thing.  So I am including it here.
7) Did I mention a great life mate yet?  Well, if not, then my spouse if amazing!  And I would be writing about her even if I thought she wasn't going to read this.  She is supportive and loving and compassionate.  I can't say enough good things about her.  And though she has her faults too, I accept her as being perfect for me and in my eyes.
8) I have some pretty great friends.  Both long time and some new.  I don't get to interact with them nearly as much as I would like, but I love them all to pieces.  I have all the support I could ever ask for in them.  I just wish I were more willing to ask for that support when i am having week's like this.  Because I know you all would be there for me.

I really wanted to get to 10 but I am now stuck.  Maybe as I write the rest of this blog a flower of positivity will bloom in my head.

The Bad

I know I said above that I was going to bitch about the fucked up winter here in San Antonio, but for those of you that have read my blog before, you already know I hate the weather here, so I will move on to something that really does bother me more than anything else at the moment.

You know how above I said I have great friends?  That was 100% true.  The only issue is that they are either 1) far away or 2) all in the service industry.  Let me explain why this is a bad thing.  #1 should be obvious, the friends that I have had since childhood are all in California.  So the only interaction I get with them is via instant messaging or text messaging or the occasional phone call.  I made some great friends in Las Vegas while we lived there briefly.  Those friends I get to interact with even less than those from my childhood.  These friendships are limited to Facebook and since my cell phone was stolen I can't even text most of them. I really hate this.  The wonderful people I have met and bonded with here in San Antonio all work in the service industry, and though this may be GREAT for getting free and discounted drinks and food, it really is lacking in the camaraderie aspect of friendship.  I work all day long and when i am free in the evenings, they work.  Weekends are the same.  For those of you not familiar with the service industry they refer to their weekends as whenever they get two days off in a row.  Say Monday-Tuesday or Tuesday Wednesday.  These are not nights when I can hang out with them because I have to work in the morning.  And service industry folks always work weekends, because that is where the $$ is.  As a result of all this, I am left feeling pretty lonely more often than not.
Ok, enough feeling sorry for myself.  I could go on for a couple thousand more words, but you get the point.  This is me consciously cutting off my wallowing.  Something I need to do more often.  Blah.  Sorry for boring you with my issues.  But thank you for reading them anyhow.

The Writing

I am going to provide an update on my writing tonight rather than  providing you an original piece of writing.  I am optimistic about my future as a writer at the moment.  I just need to break through.  I need to break out of the accountant mold I am stuck in.  So here are the things I am feeling optimistic about.

1) I don't think I updated y'all (and no that isn't a Texas thing, I've been saying it for years) about my NaNoWriMo in November, since my blog seemed to get forgotten in the frenzy of writing Just Another Zombie Love Story.  Well here is the update.  I "won" the NaNoWriMo.  What did I win?  Nothing but my self confidence that I can actually finish a writing project.  And to tell you the truth, that is the biggest prize I could ever hope for right now.  That confidence is helping to keep me motivated to keep working toward my goal of becoming a full time writer.  I still have a hundred story ideas in my head banging on the door to escape and wreak havoc on the horror loving public.  Will I be the next Stephen King?  I don't think there will EVER be another writer to match him in this genre.  I am going to give it my best damn effort to try though.  Just Another Zombie Love Story has been written by M. A. Rogers and WILL be my first published work.  How do I know?  Do I have a contract?  No.  But the story itself is great.  It really would make a great movie in my opinion.  Maybe I'll sell it to Hollywood.  I wrote 215 pages and completed JAZLS in one month and a few days.  There are obvious holes that need to be filled in.  But it is sort of like building a house.  I have the foundation and structure complete.  It is free standing, and the plumbing and electrical is all installed. Now all I have to do is throw up the drywall and finish the big details.  That is the rewrite that it is going through right now.  Once that is done I need to call in the building inspectors (peer editors) to give me the go ahead for to put the finishing touches on it.  Make it a true custom built home.  Slap the paint on, shingle the roof.  Install the granite countertops in the kitchen and then we have a great house ready to put on the market.

2) That house metaphor leads me to my next update.  Once I get the "house" ready for the market, I need to find an agent to sell the intellectual property.  Well, it just so happens that the World Horror Convention is going to be held in Austin, TX this year.  That is a mere hour drive north of here.  I will definitely be in attendance.  There will be agents and publishers there looking for new clients and products.  What better place could there be for me to market my story?  And what better timing could I experience?  I mean, I have had this dream of leaving Corporate America behind forever for about eight years now, and I finally have a "finished" piece to market.  Is it serendipity?  Kizmit?  I tend to believe in things like that.  I believe that we make our own luck most times.  It could be my guardian angel kicking me in the ass last Fall telling me that I need to get something going because opportunities are on the way.  And no matter how negative I tend to be, this is something that is very hard for me to discount.  So now I have the opportunity staring me in the face.  time to buckle down and get this book finished.  I am ready for the challenge.  I have an aggressive schedule for a rewrite of JAZLS.  By the end of the month I will have a second draft written.  And March I will be looking for someone else to read and edit it for me.  I would like to have a third draft completed before I walk through the doors of the convention.  Wish me luck!

3)  I have story ideas that I can't wait to try to get onto paper.  And I still have a pretty aggressive goal for myself for 2011.  I want at least two more first drafts of books completed.  I'd really like three, but I am seeing that real life gets in the way of our fantasy goals.  I have one that is going to be set here in Texas that is still just a seed beginning to germinate (to borrow a euphemism from my favorite hobby of gardening).  I also want to finish Deja Mort, which I am estimating is already about 20% complete.  I'd like to write a historical fiction book as well.  Something truly horrific based on unexplained events of the past.  I'd like to set this in Scotland, so if any of you have any suggestions, I am more than eager to hear them.

For now my friends and new readers.  I think I am done.  It is time to hit the JAZLS rewrite.

Stay scared my friends,

My Little Demon


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